Saturday, June 12, 2010

First of 28 Days

I've never been this pregnant. It was on this day of gestation during my last pregnancy that Kyle was born. 36 weeks. It is kind of scary to still be facing a probably four more weeks--although I could be facing six. I've never been this big or carried this large of a baby. I've never faced spontaneous labor or false labor contractions. It's totally new from here until the end.

This pregnancy is also very different. I wasn't nearly as sick as I was with Kyle (no surgery or hospitalizations), I've had no high blood pressure, or debilitating pain or insomnia; however, I have struggled with bouts of faintness, joint aches, and reflux. And with both, I've worked hard to improve my boarderline anemia. Even how Aiden is in my body, less responsive and muffled movements, based on placement is so different.

However, the biggest change is this:

It arrived yesterday and I couldn't be more excited and filled with anticipation. It comes with these wonderful women (pictures courtesy of Cathy):



My pool was missing a piece, awaiting on another client to return the attachment, and so that will come as soon as it can be complete.

If you haven't figured it out. I'll tell you what I mean. I've been too afraid to directly reference it on our blog and I've tried to tell as few people as possible. But I've decided that I am no longer worried about what people think of my decision. I've already dealt with both my family and my in-laws being unsupportive and this is not about them anyway. So here is my worldly declaration: I'm having a home birth in the living room of my apartment with those wonderful midwives and my very devoted husband, hopefully, Kyle will even be sleeping in the next room. But if not, he'll be close by with friends who have gone before in this endeavor. And, for the record, it will be wonderful.

After my last experience with OBs and the traumatic pregnancy where we felt little control or compassion or even validation followed with a disrespectful labor and unnecessary preemie, I couldn't face that again. My body was so violated along with my spirit during the last pregnancy. It was either choose another option or refuse all prenatal care. Because Evan has known Bri for about six years, we had talked to her during my pregnancy with Kyle. We even considered a home birth and were trying to move to a midwife in the hospital when I was scared into a medically unnecessary induction. But before Kyle was born, I did a lot of reading at Bri's guidance. Even before I got pregnant again, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt we would have a home birth with Bri.

We have faced a lot of opposition, but Evan has been on the same page with me from the very beginning. I had to do no convincing. Do you know that if you need three hours to process through your previous birth experience and gain confidence in your ability to birth naturally, Bri will do it with you. If you need to text her at 10 o'clock at night for whatever reason--even if it is to brag about how much iron you've consumed or liquid, she'll respond. You can have a prenatal in your clothing with your child and husband by your side. If you have to go to her house on a Sunday to have your heart listened to--she's available. And if you're all hungry after your prenatal, you'll all go out to dinner and ice cream after. If you need weekend night prenatals--it'll be worked out. You even get home visits. I've gained such a deep friendship and not just a medical professional. And let there be no confusion: she is a trained, college graduate, with medical knowledge and abilities.

So we are planning a birth party, Evan even wants something similar to a Kraft service table with snacks and goodies for during and after labor. I have a puzzle to keep me busy in early labor and we're taking a birth class from Cathy. Cathy is providing me with knowledge on pain techniques, but mostly she is telling me that I can do it. The only fear and anxiety that I still have is over natural childbirth--who really wants to be in pain. But I know that I can, even if Evan, Bri, and Cathy are the only others who also believe.

I am so grateful to be surrounded by loving support this time. My body is respected. My feelings are validated. I am in control (except of the actual time he'll come and of course that drives me crazy :) We will have this baby in our home, in our chosen nest prepared the way we desired, surrounded by what brings us joy. It'll be wonderful. I'll admit though, I'll miss TLC at the hospital because we don't have TV at home, and I love TLC. But, it's a good trade off :)

I feel so confident in our decision. So confident in the ability of my body and the training and knowledge of these women. I feel empowered in my pregnancy. Even though I was friends with Bri before, I feel like the woman that is delivering my baby and seeing me at my most vulnerable is one of my best friends. She loves all of us (Evan, me, Kyle and Aiden) and is as excited for my birth as we are. How could this birth be even better? Who would be a better person to embark on this journey with?

***Note: I started this blog as a way to journal and include pictures (which I often don't print off) of what is going on for the sake of my kids. This post is mostly for Aiden, and could be offensive to some. I've been thinking for several long weeks about what I want to say, and I've tried to put it as best that I can.


Mallory said...

I think it is good to make your own decisions. But I am sad you have faced so much opposition and not love from your families on it. Good luck with L&D with # 2! Hopefully it will be closer to like 3 weeks and not anything near 6 more weeks of pregnancy. =)


Holly, you are so brave! For the record, I think you'll do just fine. And you're absolutely right, it is COMPLETELY yours and your hubby's decision. Man, that is going to be so crazy! I read a blog titled 'cjane' and she recently had her baby in a pool in her living room with the help of a midwife. It sounded AMAZING. Which is weird that I would think that because I'm an epidural-birthing woman all the way. But you should read her birth story:
It comes in four parts, but if you have the time, read it cause 1) it so detailed and 2) it'll probably get you excited for your pending birth! I'm excited for you. I'm not brave enough to even think of going that route and my OB/hospital experiences have all been heaven. SO! Needlesstosay, DO it girl, you'll be FANTASTIC! I'll be thinking of you this next month...hopefully you go sooner than later, that's what I always wish upon any pregnant woman! xoxo

Chelsea said...

That sucks that your first one was such a rough experience. I agree that the people you have involved with you can make or break your experience. I hope all goes well for you.

Derek and Andrea said...

Anxious to hear how it goes! I'm sure having a baby in the comfort of your own home would be wonderful! I just really love those hospital beds! ;) Good luck!

Merry said...

Hey, thanks for posting this! I have been interested in home births, and my sister had one (Without a trained professional! It wasn't on purpose!).

Din Family said...

Hey Holly - I hope it all goes well for you. I can tell you from experience that as long as you have good support there with you it is amazing what you can do! Good luck and can't wait to hear the good news!

Karalene Ludlow said...

So I will work on tracking down some TLC for your viewing pleasure ... You are brave my friend, brave. Craig and I are available to bring fruit desserts and provide hours of games and entertainment if necessary. Keep us posted! :)

elka said...

Holly! I hope you aren't creeped out that I found you, but I had mentioned to Briana that I was not getting a lot of positive feedback as of late and really needed to hear some more talk about home birth, get some excitement going and feel the love! She mentioned i should ask you about this, but I just tracked you down. I love this post and I am so there with you. I kind of stopped telling people our plan, just because we got so much negativity back that it started hurting a little. I'm so proud of you for putting this out there, it made me feel great. It's so funny that people can't get past the fact that there's no epidural, when in reality it's such a small part of the process as a whole.

You are awesome! Stay strong in knowing what you want and why you want it and don't let anyone make you doubt it. You are going to have a great birth party.

scuz said...

Trust your instincts and You will do great! I am so excited for you and your family. Remember that pain goes away and that the "knee epidural" is an amazing tool for relief. This is the best gift that you can give to Aidan. CONGRATULATIONS!

Teresa said...

hey, TLC is my favorite thing about the hospital, too!

Have a great birthing party. Just for the record, I think you're crazy!! (mostly about the natural, no epidural part :) ) but I love that you are doing this exactly the way you always wanted too. I am sure it will be a wonderful experience for you guys.

Briana said...

Yay!! It's time to have a baby! I'm proud of the journey you've taken to get to this point in your work as a mother. No way are you the same woman who gave birth to Kyle, there has been so much growth. Natural birth in your own home supported by your birth team is an enlightening, beautiful and soul-expanding experience and you are so ready for it! You are my hero.

Rachel & Darrin said...

I've heard from most people that do home births that it is such a wonderful experience. I think that with your not-so-good experience before it will make this new one even better. I hope all goes well and that baby Aiden arrives without problem!

Sycamore Girl said...

You did it!