Monday, February 28, 2011

Lost Post: Our Sealing for Our Anniversary

So in the breath tonight between 11:59:59 February 28th and 12:00:00 March 1st is Evan and my 3rd-ish anniversary. See we were married on Leap day 2008, so technically we have not had our first year anniversary.

Since it is our anniversary, I decided to post about our sealing. I never posted the pictures from that event. Our dear friend Teresa took these pictures. However, when I first saw them I was really upset---let it be very clear that it is not the quality---I thought that I looked terrible. I was upset that no one told me that I looked that fat and all those things that us girls feel. Teresa gave me the disc with the pictures and for the next year or so I promptly lost, found, lost, found them in my desk and never loaded them on my computer. I finally found them about September and re-looked at them. I fell in love. I printed some and hung them in our hallway and I thought this would be a perfect time to post them.

I still think that I don't look my best, but I was happy that day. We all were. It was such a nice special day.


Friday, February 25, 2011

Elmo Shoes

Our prized possession:

These were brought home by the hero of a father, Saturday night. Given so graciously to us by a co-worker. I had wanted to buy these after Christmas on clearance, but there weren't any in the right size. He loves them. He wore them the first 72 hours straight, even through the night. Tuesday night, he didn't wear them, but he asked to sleep with them.

P.S. Notice the double brown monkey action. Evan couldn't find one, so he brought out another. Now there are two out and Kyle won't let me put one away.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Birth Stories

Evan and I took a birthing class before Aiden was born. It was taught by my midwife's partner midwife, Cathy. She is the one who ended up delivering Aiden anyway, so it was a good thing we'd had 6 long evenings with her teaching us and knew her. At the final celebration class, there were two couples who came to share their birth stories.

Now, another class has been taught. Their final class, we and the other 3 couples from our class were asked back to share our stories. We went last Wednesday night. The kids were sick, so I couldn't show off Aiden. But it was wonderful. All our generation's babies were born the same week---so all 7 months.

I love birth stories though. Love them. I read random people's accounts of their most precious moments (birth stories) for fun. I don't even like being pregnant and I love all the juicy details of birth stories.

But it is not just the stories, I love the special sacred bonds that these events give to women who give birth, who have given birth, who help women give birth. And that night, in Cathy's living room, I was surrounded by those who shared joy at choosing a home birth path; who expressed deep earth shattering love for the women, Cathy and Bri, who caught their babies; who told of bonds between a husband and wife forged in the sweaty, painful moments of labor; who spoke reverently of the strength of their bodies; who owned the fear and unbelievable pain of child birth, sometimes even the trauma to their own bodies; who cried over the precious gift of their anticipated precious babies; and who understood the growth that comes from letting go and embracing the primal nature of the experience.

I felt connected and embraced in a quiet secure way. I found new and surprising emotion in a story well rehearsed and frequently repeated. I was taken aback by the new information about how parts of Kyle and Aiden's birth story are still raw for me. Still very emotional and painful to be repeated although until that night they had never been.

It was an incredible experience. I can't believe how much Cathy and Bri have changed me over the last year. How much they have showed me and how gently they have opened doors in my emotions that have never been touched. I have never before, and I say this with great certainty, trusted anyone so quickly and so completely in every way. I have never yearned for anyone to know me better. I have never felt that kind of sweet, gentle, non judging love. Thank you for the delightful evening.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Humpty Dumpty Sat on a Wall

He sits. This morning, he sat on the bed unassisted for about 5 minutes.

Behind the scenes commentary: Kyle is mad in the background because I just got upset with him for saying, "Stop that! Dammit!" Yes, I did just type that. Yes, he does say that. No, it is not from me and the culprit thinks it is funny!

We have actually worked pretty hard at this. We had to put him in the bigger car seat, so then he had to sit in the cart. It has been two trips to the store like that. A the end of the first trip, he was completely laid out over some socks. This week, he held himself up and even used his tummy muscles to steady himself as the cart moved. He has made so many strides. We also put him in his high chair about two weeks ago. from his back on a 30 degree incline he can use his muscles to come into a sitting position.

Although, I am still not sure that I would trust him on a hard surface, he is doing well. Although even the soft ones are dangerous. Right before these pictures Kyle was jumping on the bed, so Aiden fell over, and then Kyle jumped on his head. We are still working on just being soft to Aiden and now we have to learn to be soft to an unsteady Aiden. Goodness.

P.S. All of us just go from one pair pajamas another morning and night. We all love pajamas (although I don't think Aiden cares, but Kyle and I prefer them to usual clothes. Plus, I only have one pair of fleecy pjs for Aiden and I don't want to change him when he wears them because he is soooooo snuggly.

Oh goodness, I actually posted this and forgot to mention that Aiden got two, can you believe it, teeth noticed for the first time last Tuesday. Just little white bumpy sharp things coming through on the bottom. Seriously, Kyle didn't get teeth until 11 1/2 months. Way to be, Aiden. And in good Young fashion, I didn't even know they were coming because neither child shows any changes while teething. I am very grateful. Very.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Plague and Sacrament, Oddly Related

My friend Cathy recently did a post about how she wants to embrace the reality of life on her blog. That life isn't always pretty or wonderful. I have decided in the same vein, that I don't just want to chronicle the wonderful, exciting adventures we have. We have lots of days with stories but no pictures and I want to write more about life and worry less about posting pictures. I want the kids to know that I had feelings and struggles. I don't want to be so cute all the time. Plus, I've been having bad insomnia again and life is never more real than in the middle of the night! Right?

We have the plague, given to us once again by the nursery. Every single time we take Kyle he comes home sick, and not just a quick sick. We took him the first Sunday in January, he was home the next 3 weeks. We take him the first Sunday in February, he has been home for 2 weeks. I think that I have been to church with the boys a total of five Sundays since the first Sunday in June. Don't ask me to tell you if I know it is for sure nursery, but where else do we go besides the grocery store? No where. We rarely have play dates. Mostly because Kyle is always sick.

It started out as a runny nose that lasted for 10 days, then it became a faucet, followed with runny watery goop producing eyes, fevers, and now a deep hacking cough. A few days later, Aiden started. Then on Thursday, I woke up with it too. However, for me, I get the throat swelling to the point of near closure sore throats, headaches....and the last few days good ole' fashion nausea. Pretty certain that by tomorrow, my voice will be totally gone too. So we suffer through and thank heaven it was over a weekend. So Evan was home to help for two hours before bed. It was back to all me today though.

Aiden is just so pathetic. He is up for an hour or less, down for an hour. The first several days he was sick, he could barely sleep and we'd have to let him cry for several hours at night before he would fall asleep. There was nothing we could do to comfort him. He even hated being held.

I really want to stop going to church all together. I know that is a bad place to be in and a bad habit to start. But this is worse. In January, Evan got sick from what Kyle brought home in nursery and had to take time off work---and we are hourly. Now, Evan had to take Thursday night off to help me. I can't let Kyle keep getting Aiden sick---although Aiden only gets it half the time. I could just go to sacrament meeting, but Kyle loves nursery and why torture him through sacrament, if he can't go to the fun part. That is just mean.

It is starting to really affect me this church situation. It makes every day the same. Sundays feel like any other day---same morning routine, same naps, same chores, same clothes, and same feeling of loneliness. Evan leaves at the same time as he would on a school day just dressed differently for meetings. He is home for a hour or two, gone for church, home for a few hours before bed. Same, same, same. Some weeks I don't know what day it is because it is the same. Unless it is Tuesday---then I am grocery shopping in the morning.

Sunday, I was able to leave the house to talk to some neighbors about a couch they wanted to give us. It was the first time I'd left the house since Thursday at 10:30 am and the first conversation I had face-to-face with another adult besides Evan since that time as well. When I realized that, I almost cried. Aiden still hasn't been out of the house since Thursday. It will be 116 hours since I've been in the car or away from my complex when I shop tomorrow morning.

I don't miss church though either. I don't miss any one in our ward. I don't miss my skirts. I don't miss wrestling the kids or carrying Aiden for three hours. I don't miss the pew. I don't miss RS in the least. Although it makes the same different, I don't interact with anyone but Evan at church. However, I know that I miss the sacrament. A blogger I came across, recently wrote about the sacrament in the hospital and how meaningful it was to her. I cried.

Since June, I've taken the sacrament 4 times. Do you know what that makes me over time? Impatient, angry, lazy, angry, bitter, angry, disconnected, angry, tired, angry, anxious, angry, complacent, and if I haven't said so--angry. I recognize these feelings and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, it is because of missing the sacrament. However, with Evan being Elder's Quorum President he needs to be at church more than I do. And I can't face the panic attacks of sitting alone even just for sacrament.

It is so interesting that the 15 minute ordinance could make such a difference, especially because like most families with small children, I don't even get to focus during the sacrament. I'm too busy making sure Kyle is quiet and behaving---a great feat in itself since he is so out of practice. But I miss it. And I feel that there is just no hope of remedying this situation.

But I have to go, it's 2 am and Kyle is calling for me. He's been getting out of bed half-asleep in the middle of the night. Something about his blanket, at least he isn't waking me :)

P.S. If you made it this far, kudos. I didn't think I have any of the few readers who care that much. So many thanks, I mean, my husband doesn't even read the blog unless I convince him it's worth it. :) Although, I did see the wonderful Valentine's Day post.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bad Parenting

So yesterday's middle wasn't the best.....

it included:

1. a child squatting in his booster to pee in it (does great naked, has lots of accidents in his unders)
2. a child dumping his chocolate soy milk all over himself, 5 minutes after peeing, because he wasn't looking at his cup
3. burning my husband's dinner
4. tormenting my child by practicing my hair cutting techniques on him--pictures to come later.
5. Massive amounts of snot and then green goo coming from Kyle's really watery eye. Research suggests that it is pink eye--appropriate for Valentine's Day, I suppose. However, no symptoms this morning so we are not going to the doctor unless it shows up again.
6. The best part is a long explanation. Evan left for work while I was changing Aiden's diaper and getting him dressed. This involved him yelling at me that his hands were too full and could I lock the door after he left. Kyle can open the door if we don't dead bolt it and there is no other lock. I agreed and thought, "I'll do it as soon as I'm done." But then I promptly forgot. After I gave Aiden his 11 am bottle, I was changing his diaper. I heard the door open and then close. I rushed out to make sure that Kyle didn't leave. But he was playing in the living room and I figured that he had just peeked outside like he likes to do when he knows the door is open. I locked it to say the least. 6:30 came around and I was giving Aiden his next bottle, I couldn't find it. Not on the counter and not on my night stand. Not in the couch cushion. I asked Kyle to find the bottle. He said, "Bottle outside door." I was shocked. I thought for sure the bottle would be gone. I rushed to open the front door and it was sitting right there ever so nicely on our door mat. I don't know if Kyle set it there (he likes to move it from table to counter to shelf) or if the neighbors picked it up and set it there for me. Needless to say, I was relieved. Quick wash and we were back in business.

Monday, February 14, 2011

To: Holly

Dear Holly,

You are the strongest woman I have ever met. This was made apparent to me when you gave birth to both of our children (although, I knew it before). You fight tirelessly for this family. And you have conquered every foe.  You have worked for us and given you whole self to this family.

You are the smartest woman I have ever met. You have a head full of brains and reason. You have navigated this family financially and spiritually. You have helped me in everyway. I was making good money at Jamba Juice and you backed me up when I felt prompted to leave and go back to school. You have supported me in my schooling, work and my calling (even though these things often leave you as a single parent seven days a week). You have given me great council in my various roles in life.

When we first met I had no idea that I would be lucky enough to call you “mine”. I didn’t even have an inkling of a notion that we would be together. And even when we started dating I didn’t realize how much I needed you or what I could become with you. My whole time knowing you has been a learning process of looking back and realizing that I am less “me” and more “us”.

I was talking with some of the residents today about when you know that you love somebody. And I told them that the moment I knew was I stood across from you in my parents’ living room and we were saying our vows. I felt like we were the only people in the world, just you and me. That is when I knew.

I love you and I want you to know that without you I wouldn’t be the man I am today. All of my accomplishments are really your accomplishments.


P.S. I would have put pictures but I'm not sure how.

Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day! And I'm posting about it at the same time, the first time that I've posted something in an appropriate time frame--pretty proud of myself. Plus, I've posted 3 times a week (my goal) for two weeks. Go me! Although if it makes you feel better, and brings me back to reality, I cleaned my house on Friday--in the infrequent world-wind way that I do--but never got to Evan's and my bathroom. So go half me! :)

Anyway, enough about this. Let's talk about Valentine's Day, this is the first year that I've been into this holiday and not even for myself. I decided last Christmas that I want to do more for the holidays in the future. I really wanted to start acquiring holiday clothing for my kids. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any good Christmas or Valentine clothing that didn't say dumb things like "heart breaker" or "Who needs Santa when I have Grandma." What is wrong with a simple "Happy Valentine's Day" or "Merry Christmas"? Seriously!

Kyle and I made about 5 batches of heart shaped rice crispy treats, using the new chocolate swirl and caramel vanilla marshmallows, and delivered them. We even dipped them in almond bark or drizzled chocolate and used plenty of red sprinkles. We made strawberry cupcakes with pink vanilla frosting and festive decorations topped off with a strawberry heart shaped marshmallow for Evan to take to work. It has been very fun.

Then this morning, we had a big family breakfast early so we could do it with Evan. Then we all opened our gifts, although Kyle opened both his and Aiden's. It was very sweet and we decided that a Valentine family breakfast with one book per child is what our tradition is going to be from now on. Evan and I don't go all out for this holiday because our wedding anniversary is two weeks away and so I think doing just a family holiday will be perfect for us.

I didn't take any pictures of our breakfast though because Evan wasn't exactly decent :) But it was so nice and we had such a good time. So Happy Valentine's Day to the rest of you.

P.S. I've already started thinking about how I can make green shamrock or some sort of delectable rice crispy treats---as it was recommended as a treat Kyle should eat every day to gain weight, I've become a master gourmet rice crispy treat chef.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Evan's Birthday

So way back at the end of January---the 23rd to be exact---Evan had a birthday. He is now 29 years old. This year his birthday fell on a Sunday. So Saturday we had a get together with his friends at a good friend's house, because let's face it we do not have the space for 15 people to come over. Then Sunday morning, Evan was sick. So we had a low-key day with his parents over for dinner of shrimp pad thai.

This was Sunday morning, Evan was sleeping and Kyle was watching TV with Evan's birthday balloon from work.

This is the rubik's cube cake I made for Evan's party. There was going to be a fourth layer, but I didn't have time to make one because there was a lot of medical drama with Aiden the day I made the layers. So it wasn't exactly cube. But Evan loved it and several people guessed that was what the cake was, so I felt good about that. Of course, we did pink decorations and pink candles because that is Evan's favorite color.

I have always hated my birthday. I don't like the attention. However, I have come to love Evan's birthday. And Evan LOVES his birthday. He says there is birthday year, birthday month, birthday week, birthday party day, and birthday day. Whenever there is something that he wants or a break or something, he uses one of those excuses depending on what applies. He feels that January 24th is the saddest day in the world because it means that his birthday is over. I love it because there are all the things that I love about birthdays, good food, good friends, deserts and a date. Now that I am married our birthdays are kind of the same, it's like I get two a year, but now I don't have to deal with the attention on his. I love it. Plus, I'd rather give than receive and Evan is the opposite. So January 23rd is our favorite day of the year. Next year for his 30---I already have things in the work. Let's hope this year speeds by :)

I love that man. As my friend, Alyse, recently expressed, I did get a good one. I did. I'm proud of his accomplishments, his amazing feats of balancing family, work, and church. I know how much potential he has still not even begun to tap in to and I know how far he can go. Especially because I am painfully aware of how far he has come. And it is no small distance. Good man, that Evan. Good man.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Aiden at 7 months

So today is Aiden's 7 month birthday. I looked back at the blog to see if I could find Kyle's stats around this time. I can't, but I found out that at 9 months, Kyle weighed 15 lbs 14 oz. Well, since we finally have a scale in our house (never had before), I weighed Aiden this morning out of curiosity. Remember that last month at this time, he was 16 lbs 5 oz. Today he is..... 17 lbs 9 oz. That is a 1 lb 4 oz growth in a! He is now exactly 6 lbs away from Kyle, which with Kyle's grow is only about another 5 month away :)

He loves his feet, like LOVES them with a passion that is also bestowed on chewing.

He likes his reflection, and can sit with some assistance, finally!! He is still pretty floppy though and so mostly leans in half with the boppy in between.

He is sooooo happy. And he smiles if anyone just looks at him. He'll often fuss, and then suck on his fingers for several minutes, when he'll let out a noise to let me know that he is still unhappy, but he'll go back to sucking on his fingers. He'll wait for me as long as I need---or more frequently, as long as Kyle needs.

He's not serious at all, but he loves to chew and in this picture he is after the hand cord to the camera.

He finally rolled over again (he had two flukes back at 2 months) from tummy to back on Sunday January 30th and from back to front on Thursday February 3rd, as Evan and I were talking about how he still hadn't rolled back to front. He only does one side though, so he rolls in circles and frequently pulls the play mat on top of him (like a burrito with him inside) as he gets tangled up in the supports. He never cares though or at least he can be trapped with it over his head and not make a noise for a long time, until I notice. He's that good of a baby! He also sleeps about 16-18 hours a day.

Secretly, because he still won't remember, when Kyle is having a bad day---which is every day---I tell Aiden, "I wish it was just you and me." I know that someday, Kyle will read this, but by then he'll have been around 2 year-olds and understand. :) At least I hope!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Kyle--The photographer

Kyle has gotten into taking pictures. He always asks to if I take out the camera. Here are his shots, well the best ones at least. He even knew to take one of every person in the room Christmas Eve. And, I now have someone to take pictures of me and Aiden and me with other people when Evan's gone. Plus, I almost think he's better than Evan any way :) Evan just doesn't care.

(after my haircut)

(Christmas Eve, can't blame him that Oliver made a silly face)

(Christmas Eve, after bath waiting for the new pajamas)

(Christmas Eve, Heidi dressing Addison in her new pajamas)

(His new toys Christmas morning, not the night light, but everything else. He loved his Joey magnetic doll)

(Pictures of our family on our hallway wall)

(Aiden and I on a random morning)

(Nana Christmas Day)

(Nana when we got to Portland, early early in the morning)

(When Ekitzel came from China to visit before Christmas)

Besides some angle problems (his is pretty small) and some movement of the camera when he goes to push the button, I'd say he does well. He is only 2, ya know!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

More Elmo

Kyle and I found this video yesterday after he saw a commercial for Sesame Street and wanted to watch Elmo (which is also the word for elbow, in case you cared). In less than 24 hours he will sing along. Of course, there is also the famous "Kyle dancing." As you can see in the video. He got a little camera shy at the end of the clip, but in the beginning he does it well. I've included the original video so you know why he likes to watch it. I think it is pretty cute and so is the video.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Mommy, More Friends

So I need a little pick me up because I just did our bill pay and budget (my first of two that I do every month). Sometimes it is frustrating, because all though the bank number is up you know in your heart that money is already spent in rent or whatever. Therefore, it doesn't really exist.....anyone else know what I mean??? I'm I just whinny???

So I'm going to post pictures of what Kyle and I did on Wednesday, or was it Tuesday, or maybe last week.....whatever. This is what we did and his hair is just crazy these days.

We played play dough. I've finally allowed him to play with more than one color and I give him my miniature cookie cutters of snowflakes, snowmen, and something else. I was "playing" with him, just cutting out snowmen and he started asking, "Mommy, more friends." I don't even know where he learned the word friend from, he'd never used it before. But I cut out as many friends---he kept asking---as there was play dough and he lined them up proudly each touching hands. I told him we would take a picture, he was excited.

So today when he made a tower of blocks (well like six towers right next to one another) on his little blue stool, he asked for a picture. I kind of regret that I told him I wasn't sure where my camera was and I didn't look. He's cute, but today was a doozy---almost non-stop crying or whining from him; however, I'll try to remember this little lesson for later.